Only Necessities
by KelliLeanne
Summary: A look into the mind of twelve year old Wilhuff Tarkin as he prepares to leave home.


Title: "Only Necessities"  
Author: KelliLeanne  
Timeframe: Twenty years prior to TPM.  
Characters: Wilhuff Tarkin  
Genre: Vignette, Angst  
Summary: A look into the mind of twelve-year-old Wilhuff Tarkin as he prepares to leave home.   
Disclaimer: I own nothing, Lucas owns everything; I'm just playing with his creations. I promise I'll put them back where they belong when I'm finished. I especially don't own Tarkin, he's kind of scary.

_Author's Note: This fic is different than my usual style. I'm sort of using it as a writing exercise. It's written in a stream of consciousness type format. Big thanks to anakinluver on the Jedi Council message board for the encouragement to write this fic._

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I'm never going to get everything packed; they didn't give me enough time. If they wanted me to be properly prepared, maybe they shouldn't have told me only yesterday that I was being taken to the academy.

One bag, that's all they're going to let me take. Father told me that, since it was a military academy, only the necessities would be allowed. I don't want to be in the military; I want to go into politics, like Uncle. I want to be a senator someday, but Father says that is impossible now.

I wish Elza was here, she would have helped me pack. She would probably be the only one sad to see me leave. I know Mother has cried a lot since yesterday, but I can't be sure if she's crying for me. She hasn't been the same since Elza died. I can't really criticize her though; I haven't been the same since she died.

I wonder if Father will let me visit her grave before the shuttle arrives. He probably won't let me; he says that I spend too much time there already. I just want to say goodbye and tell her one last time that I'm sorry for not being able to save her. I tried, but I was only five and too small to get her out of that frozen lake.

It's been seven years, and Father still hates me for it. He told me that she wouldn't have been there if it wasn't for me; she was told to go find me before dinner. I shouldn't have been at that lake in the first place. He said if I wasn't such a tiny kid, I might have been able to help her.

I know I'm smaller than the other kids; it's a fact I can't get away from at school. The other boys have always picked on me; kids like Jobril. Well, he won't be picking on anyone again. If he ever gets out of that coma, they say he'll never be completely normal. I'm not shedding any tears. That Zabrak beast had it coming; he should have known not to start a fight on ground that is littered with rocks. Did he not think that someone might decide to use one of those as a weapon? Stupid alien.

I don't feel the least bit guilty that I smashed his head with that rock. He was holding me down. What was I supposed to do, just lay there and not defend myself? Father always said that I was too weak. Now when I do something strong, he sends me to the military academy. Maybe I shouldn't have kept hitting him as he lay there bleeding.

One thing for certain, no one will even think about doing anything to me ever again. I saw fear in the eyes of my classmates and in my teachers. They were afraid of me; me, the skinny kid that no one ever took seriously. I hope the kids at the academy find out about this. Then, I won't have any problems with them.

Father said that they are trying to keep this a secret to salvage the family's reputation. It's been less than two days and he's already paid off Jobril's family. I can't say that I'm surprised; to him, money is the solution to everything. I heard that he paid the Seswenna Military Academy a lot to bypass the waiting list.

Father is now yelling at me to hurry up, the shuttle will be here at any moment. I still don't know how I'm going to pack everything in one bag. I know I'm only to take necessities, but it's all necessary. I can't leave this holo of Elza. It's the only one left. Mother destroyed all of them after her funeral. She said that she couldn't bear looking at them. I hid this one.

I envy the Jedi sometimes. I heard that they are taken from their families at an early age. I wish someone took me away when I was born. I never would have known Elza; but she wouldn't have died if I wasn't around. However, I somehow doubt that the Jedi would have ever been interested in me. Elza was the special one; if they would have been interested in taking any of us, it would have been her. She always took care of me and never raised her voice. She didn't deserve to die at only ten years old.

He's yelling again; I wish he would stop doing that. He thinks I'm stalling; he's wrong. I don't want to stay with them any longer than I have to. I just can't fit everything into one bag. It's not like I'm going to be able to come back here to get more things later. I doubt that Father will let me go home for school holidays. He didn't like me much before the Jobril incident; he's definitely not going to like me now. I know I always disappointed him. He always said I was too weak, now he thinks I'm crazy.

This bag will not close. No matter how much I try, the holo of Elza is not going to fit. It's not a necessity anyway; it's sentiment. Father always said that sentiment is weakness and not something a man should indulge in.

The bag closes properly, now that the holo has been taken out. This is for the best. I really want to activate the holo and see Elza's smiling face one last time. I can't do it; if I do it I'll probably start crying. With my luck, that's the moment Father will decide to come in. No, she must remain here. I must leave her behind. I can only take necessities.

**The End **


End file.
